


have my back (every day)

by breaktrio



Category: Inazuma Eleven, Inazuma Eleven GO
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gouenji has a kitty hes a kitty dad now, I LOVE THEM I CANT STOP LOVING THEM, I don't really care about canon in this one this is my only canon, M/M, NO BETA WE DIE LIKE EVERY OG MEMBER IN ORION, Pre-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Strange relationship dynamic where they are friends but they kiss, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:07:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25133617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breaktrio/pseuds/breaktrio
Summary: Gouenji gets ready to be an Emperor. Endou has other plans.
Relationships: Endou Mamoru/Gouenji Shuuya
Comments: 6
Kudos: 35





	have my back (every day)

**Author's Note:**

> another title by taylor swift's song. this time is it's nice to have a friend (ultimate gouen song, me thinks)

When Shuuya gets out of the bathroom, hair wet and dripping on his white shirt, holding on a towel, Endou Mamoru is sitting on his sofa, bright orange against cream. His legs are spread, elbows against knees, hands clasped together. His face is expressionless, eyes focused on the soft yellow wall (Endou helped him choosing the colour and painting the wall, but he is not thinking about that).  
  
Endou looks up at him, still warm but unreadable and Shuuya feels the bubbling feeling in his stomach back at it again.  
  
Shuuya sighs and rises his right eyebrow.  
  
“Your sister let me in,” he shrugs at Shuuya’s implicit question.  
  
“Of course, she did,” Shuuya comments softly to himself, but he’s aware that Endou heard it.  
  
He puts the white towel on his head in a stupid attempt to dry his too long hair (he didn’t have this problem when he had the same hairstyle for fifteen years), and walks, barefoot, into his kitchen to avoid Endou’s eyes which are following his every movement and Shuuya feels necked even if he has on his preferred sweatpants.  
  
“I’m making coffee,” he announces without even asking if Endou wants it. He needs to busy himself with something to do and he needs caffeine if he must speak to his uninvited guest. His friend, who he missed dearly.   
  
Fuck.  
  
He focuses (even if he doesn’t want to—he shouldn’t) on trying to listen for Endou’s footsteps as he pushes the power button of his coffee machine. Then, the loud mechanical sound starts and Endou is leaning against the kitchen’s doorframe, one hand on his side and the other in his jacket’s pocket.  
  
His brown hair are a mess, spiky and overgrown and Shuuya needs to look away because it’s been too long since he saw him last. He is wearing that yellow shirt he had got in their high school junior year and the jacket is the one that Shuuya got him for his twentieth birthday. He looks skinnier, but maybe it’s his team’s new training regimen and his skin looks darker, freckles dancing on his cheeks and nose. He still makes Shuuya’s heart race, so nothing is changed after months of not seeing him and not hearing from each other. It’s actually comforting, the way his body remembers him how he feels about that man. This man.  
  
They stay quiet, looking at each other like animals trying to understand the opponent’s weakness. Shuuya feels his eyes become sharper and Endou’s lips are pursed, like he wants to say something, but he doesn’t know how to begin.  
  
The coffee machine beeps loudly. Shuuya puts the two cups (one red, one orange, of course because he’s a colour coded freak) of coffee on the counter. Then he opens a drawer to take out a spoon. He sweetens only one.  
  
The only sound in the room is what he likes to call Shuuya’s barista time out, and he can physically feel Endou’s eyes on his back.  
  
Shuuya has to stop before another sigh escape his mouth. He gives the sweeten one to Endou and his friend gets close to take it from his hands, his skin making contact with Endou’s fingers.  
  
Another _first time we have [insert]_ _since_ thought.  
  
Shuuya drags the chair out and sits. Endou does the same.  
  
They drink in silence and Shuuya knows he looks dumb, with a white towel over his head and his shirt half wet, but Endou saw the worst of him. Well, he didn’t see everything because Shuuya will do some bad stuff in the near future that will make Endou hate him and he despises to think that this is probably the last time they are properly talking before Shuuya fucks it up and he has a towel over his head.  
  
Half of his coffee is gone when Endou speaks for the second time that afternoon, “What did I do wrong?” Endou’s tone is calculated, neutral, distant. He doesn’t sound like his usual self, but Shuuya has to admit… he doesn’t think he is allowed to know him so well anymore since it’s been six months since their last phone call.  
  
He didn’t aspect Endou to come to him to talk and ask Why after so long. It was… it was not in the plan. He thought Endou didn’t care—or, putting it better, that Endou didn’t have the time to care about him and what the hell was going on.  
  
“Nothing,” he gives monotone answer and he tries to keep his expression schooled.  
  
“Then why are you avoiding me? Why are you avoiding Kidou? Why did you leave the national team? That was your dream, Gouenji.”  
  
Shuuya closes his eyes for a few seconds. He doesn’t allow himself to show any emotion and he doesn’t say nothing at all. Endou laughs, but it’s wrong because there is not fun in it, not happiness, “It won’t work with me, the silent treatment, Gouenji.”  
  
Shuuya takes the towel of his head and throws it on the floor, “I know.”  
  
“Then tell me what is wrong with you!” Endou is angry, but he’s pleading, the way his eyes are begging silently. He’s angry. At Shuuya. It’s not usual, but it’s not that uncommon. They are not perfect. They fight because they are too hot-headed men with a lot of opinions and sometimes that gets even to them, best friends for life and shit. But never like this, Endou is not only angry, he’s hurt. And the last time he looked so hurt they were sixteen (a lot of shit happened when they were sixteen) and now they are twenty-two.  
  
Shuuya hates himself when he says, “It’s not your problem.”  
  
Endou shakes his head, coffee forgotten. He has his hands in his hair and the way he cries “Not my problem?” makes Shuuya’s skin crawl because it’s so, so, so wrong.  
  
Shuuya has to keep his cool, here, because he is Gouenji Shuuya and also because this is his part in this fucking play he created, so, he makes his voice sound even when he puts out a single, stern, “Yes.”  
  
Endou’s brown eyes fill with hurt and Shuuya has to force himself to not look away or worse, touch Endou more to comfort himself than the other.  
  
This is so hard, oh God it is, one of the hardest things he ever done and he _left_ the national team.  
  
“Well, Gouenji,” So wrong, so fucking wrong, the way Endou says his name with pain and what Shuuya knows it’s disappointment and he can’t believe this is life, right now, “I think we both know that’s bullshit. You are my problem, you will always be my problem.” Endou’s tone betrays the anger he feels, but also the affection, the never-ending love that Endou Mamoru has for everyone and everything. That he has for him, even now.  
  
He means it. Oh, yes, he means it. Every word and Shuuya knows, but he can’t. Endou needs to stay out of this. He can’t bring him down with him.  
  
“Endou, you should leave.”  
  
It’s better like this, Shuuya keeps telling himself. He has to protect him, and this is the only way.  
  
“No, I won’t,” Endou argues, “I won’t leave until you talk to me and tell me why, because I know you. I know who you are and this…” he moves his hand up and down, “I don’t know who the fuck this is and I want my best friend back.”  
  
This is painful. It’s torture, for Shuuya’s tired brain. Everything Endou says it’s right, but it’s also wrong at the same time. It makes Shuuya happy because Endou cares, Endou loves him, but at the same time makes him sad because he can’t… he _can’t_.  
  
Shuuya rubs his eyes trying to relive them. He’s been up for more that twenty-four hours now and he’s working with three hours of sleep, max. He can’t really deal with this. With Endou. And he knows that if Endou keeps insisting he will tell him the truth, and everything will be for nothing. All past year will be for nothing.  
  
It’s going to be for nothing, isn’t it, he thinks, when he sees Endou’s expression. Too determinate, too stubborn. He loves him for that, but right now Gouenji despise his capability of never know to give up and leave it be.  
  
“Endou, please,” he doesn’t want to beg, but his voice is treacherous.  
  
“I don’t understand,” again, the hurt in his voice breaks Shuuya’s heart, “You don’t trust me anymore?”  
  
Shuuya looks at his best friend or whatever he is to him. He finds himself looking at the man who gave him a purpose, the kid who saved him from a cocoon of depression, the best friend he shared two world tournaments with, the first boy he ever kissed. Endou means too much, too fucking much to Shuuya. He represents everything Shuuya wants to protect.  
  
And he is so open. His face is a canvass with splattered on all his feelings, his hurt, his pain, his love. Endou wears his heart on his sleeve and he’s so easily trusting, and he cares deeply about things Shuuya never thought was worth caring, even himself and Shuuya loves him for that. Completely.  
  
“I...” he has to lie but it’s hard to lie to the only person he swore to never lie to, “I...”  
  
He can’t.  
  
Something breaks and Shuuya knows it’s on his face when Endou touches his hand, lightly. Fingers brushing gently his sun kissed skin. Even in this situation, Endou is trying to comfort him, support him, help him. He hates it that he enjoys the touch so much.  
  
The only person who touches him with care is Yuuka, nowadays, but this is different. This is Endou.  
  
“I’m sorry,” he settles for an apology and Endou retracts his hand and Shuuya wants him back, skin aching where Endou’s fingers touched him.  
  
“Tell me,” Endou tries again in a whisper, “Please, tell me.”  
  
Maybe, if he didn’t come here looking for him, to beg, Shuuya would’ve continued with his original plan and keep doing it like he meant it: alone. It was better, it was safer. But Endou (who was supposed to be on the other side of the world), come here to ask him _Why_.  
  
Maybe, if he did actually sleep eight hours instead of three a day ago, he would have the mental strength to force out a lie, find an excuse, have an argument, tell Endou he hated him and he didn’t want to see him again.  
  
There are a lot of maybes, here, and he knows he can’t do anything about it anymore when he takes a deep breath.  
  
Luckily, he’s a dramatic bitch and settles for a “I’m not Gouenji anymore.”  
  
Endou looks at him in confusion, “What?”  
  
“I’m... fuck. You can’t tell no one. Promise me.”  
  
Endou nods almost immediately, eyes starting to shine again, “I promise,” and he sounds so honest... Shuuya’s heart ache.  
  
There are a lot of reasons for not telling Endou anything and one of them is that Endou can’t life for shit, he’s to honest and too good to lie to someone, even if it means protecting something they care about. But right now, Shuuya realizes that Endou…is different. He’s more mature—aging gets to everyone—but also, he’s…Shuuya knows, from a brief look at his face, that Endou would do anything for him, even lie.  
  
Shuuya feels himself smiling, then he remembers he must explain himself, “I infiltrated Fifth Sector.”  
  
Endou tilts his head to the side, spiky hair moving with him, “What?”  
  
Shuuya shakes his head and almost laughs. It’s not funny, it’s really not because that fucker is too good if even Endou doesn’t know. Of course, he doesn’t know. Who the fuck really know what is happening in under fifteen soccer? No one because no one cares and Shuuya was like until he found out about Fifth Sector and Senguuji Daigo. He met the man and his investors at a Gala a year ago, meanwhile Senguuji was trying to build a network. Gouenji acknowledges that he’s smart: first is Youth Soccer, then it’s under eighteen, then it’s the whole soccer world and you can do nothing about it. That night, he heard some concerning things, so, out of curiosity (and because, outside of training, he didn’t have nothing to do), he started digging. It was hard because Senguuji did everything lowkey, pulling investor after investor in, paying people to shut them up. And no one did nothing to stop him because they didn’t know it was happening.  
  
It was a long process, gain that fucker’s trust. But in the end, he did it. They didn’t build Rome in one day, after all. And Shuuya is proud of it. Even if his plan sucks—Yuuka and Toramaru thought it was trash, but here they are supporting him—he is proud of it because he is doing something meanwhile everyone else is doing absolutely nothing. He even contacted some people of the Old Guard before heading in and there was little to do with it because they didn’t care.  
  
“It’s—it’s the organisation that manages Japanese Youth Soccer. They changed their name a year ago. It’s... they are fixing games, Endou,” Endou’s eyes open in shock, mouth opening to form a small O, “And it’s not... it’s not everything. They are doing bad stuff to kids as we speak. I... can’t allow it longer.”  
  
Endou’s hand in back on his and Shuuya sighs in relief. He holds it, tight and Endou squeezes back.  
  
“Why?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Endou’s voice is low, a murmur, and he’s looking away, eyes fixed on a framed photo on the kitchen wall. Shuuya follows his gaze. It’s for their high school graduation. Endou is in the middle, both arms around Shuuya and Kidou’s shoulders. They are all smiling, but Endou’s smile is the biggest, as always. The sun, the light, shining over them, making them see a new path, a new way of living.  
  
“I didn’t... want to drag into something like this,” he mutters and it’s true enough, “You have your career and your life. You are doing great, playing for one the biggest team in Europe. I don’t—“ Endou stops him with his other hand—the one who’s not touching him.  
  
“You don’t understand shit, do you?” he asks, but there is not bite.  
  
Shuuya doesn’t know what to answer at that.  
  
Endou huffs a laugh, again no happiness in it, “I can’t play.”  
  
_What?_  
  
“What?”  
  
  
Endou looks at him, eyebrow raised and it’s so wrong because this is not an Endou’s expression. It’s more like Kidou’s and Shuuya flashes red disappointed eyes and it’s ten times worse because _this is Endou_.  
  
“If you had the decency to answer my calls or Kidou’s...” Endou takes back his hand and clasps them back together, palm against fist.  
  
“I broke my arm two months ago.”  
  
Shuuya feels shell-shocked.  
  
Endou nods at nothing because Shuuya does _not_ know what to say. He wasn’t there. He wasn’t there when he got hurt.  
  
Shit. _Shit_.  
  
Endou keeps his eyes on his right arm and Shuuya feels so bad, so, so bad. “I’m recovering now. I got my cast off three days ago. I can’t play for shit—Doctor’s orders. The team let me off because I’m useless for the upcoming season.”  
  
Then Endou looks up, warm brown irises full of determination and maybe a little bit of anger, “This is why I’m in Japan now, and not in Europe.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” Shuuya runs his left hand through his still wet hair, “I... shit, I’m the worst.”  
  
Endou shakes his head and Shuuya notices how his lips curve. That’s the beginning of a smile and Shuuya feels sad because this is the first time in one hour that Endou smiles—or tries to—and it’s so fucking bad. Bad.  
  
“You are not.”  
  
“I didn’t even know.”  
  
“You know now,” Endou smiles, now, full, shining white teeth blinding Shuuya.  
  
And now he can literally feel the air clearing between them. That’s easy. Too easy, sometimes, the way the get over an argument, a discussion, a fight. It’s too natural and sometimes scary because they just look at each other and smile, and they are okay. They don’t need to say anything because they understand each other too well.  
  
Endou picks up his cup of coffee, probably gone cold. Shuuya notices how he didn’t drink any of it.  
  
“What about your hair?” Endou casually asks between sips.  
  
“My hair?” Shuuya touches them, in confusion. He doesn’t style them up anymore, because that is too Gouenji Shuuya. Now they are long and he has these stupid green highlights just because.  
  
“They are different. What’s up with that?”  
  
Shuuya blushes a little at the fact that Endou noticed that, “It was Yuuka’s idea. She thought that they gave me mysterious vibe for the role.”  
  
“Role?”  
  
“I changed my name to Ishido Shuuji. Actually,” he explains, lost in thought, “I’m about to get promoted to Holy Emperor.”  
  
Endou laughs and this time is an amused one.  
  
“Holy...?”  
  
“I need to make an oath in a Church. Being a loyal servant to Fifth Sector and all.”  
  
“Sounds fun,” Endou comments, but he seems faraway, lost in his mind.  
  
Shuuya nods because he doesn’t know what to say. They are at a crossroad. Shuuya told him a lot but he didn’t tell him _everything_. He didn’t _ask_. It’s not that Gouenji wants (needs) Endou’s help, but now the cat is out of the bag and he doesn’t mind having him back, with him for this. Shuuya knows that with Endou he could do a lot more, his brain already thinking about how Endou’s presence would benefit his stupid ass plan. But, at the same time, he doesn’t have the _courage_ to… say it. It isn’t something he likes to do, ask for help. But this is Endou and most of the times he doesn’t need to ask or even tell, because he already knows what Shuuya is feeling, what he is thinking.  
  
This time isn’t different.  
  
“I want in,” Endou declares after what seemed hours of silence.  
  
Shuuya sighs, and nods. Sometimes feel like destiny, everything they do. Bounded by something more. And Shuuya is always Shuuya and Endou is always Endou and he doesn’t back down, for nothing. Kids are in danger; soccer is being controlled and it’s not fun anymore. Endou can’t stay quiet, knowing something like that, like Shuuya can’t. This is their life. They both love soccer and enjoy it, but they can’t go on living their life when other people don’t. Especially when children don’t.  
  
“I can’t change your mind, can I?”  
  
Endou grins, “You can’t. I’m with you for this.”  
  
“I need you to know that I can’t protect you if you get on board.”  
  
“And I want you to know that I don’t need your protection,” Endou points out, “I’m a grown man and you are also a grown man, we are not in high school anymore, Gouenji. I can deal with this,” _I can deal with you_ , he seems to really mean and Shuuya doesn’t know what to think, not anymore.  
  
It surprises Shuuya, how everything is different, but equally the same. This man sitting in front of him is different from the man he saw last time. He looks surer of himself and confident and self-aware and Shuuya feels like he lost too much, too fucking much.  
  
“Okay,” he breathes out, “If you say so.”  
“Gouenji Shuuya,” and it’s so weird the way Endou says his name, how his lips move when he pronounces it—and he wants to kiss him so much.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“I’m not leaving you,” Endou declares, “Never again.”  
  
Shuuya widens his eyes.  
  
There is something there, under Endou’s words and Endou’s actions. And it means so much, much more. He isn’t here just because he wanted to know why Shuuya was avoiding him (he could’ve call Yuuka), he isn’t staying because he wants to help Shuuya with the Fifth Sector thing. No, he’s here because… It’s years’ worth of feelings and issues they need to figure out and talk about and Shuuya doesn’t have the time to sleep, imagine having the time to discuss about their weird relationship, which it’s so hard, sometimes, too deal with. That fine line between best friends and lovers almost non-existing that makes Shuuya go fucking crazy because he doesn’t understand what Endou wants. He knows what he wants. Shuuya wants more. He wants to kiss him senseless, he wants to sleep next to him, he wants to wake up next to him every goddamn morning, he wants to… lot of things that don’t matter now because they have to fight soccer communism.  
  
“Not leaving, uh?”  
  
Endou gives him one of his best smiles, “I’m here to stay. Forever.”  
  
Shuuya feels so warm and even if it’s winter, he is sweating.  
  
He needs to change the subject. Something safer.  
  
“Well, then, I hope you like kittens. And, I’m texting Toramaru and Yuuka.”  
  
Endou freezes, smile leaving his lips and Shuuya mentally insults himself, “Toramaru knows? About this?”  
  
“Yeah,” Shuuya gets up and Endou recovers quickly and does the same, following him, “He was with me when we found out about Fifth. Sorry.”  
  
“Don’t need to say sorry... he was in the national team too, right?” Endou looks relieved and Shuuya goes to find his private phone (he has two, of course, because he’s a professional spy) in the bathroom.  
  
“Yeah, and you know him. I can’t really hide something from him. Or from Yuuka,” he answers from the bathroom.  
  
“You used to be lie that with me too,” and Endou is teasing now, the tone full of amusement, but Shuuya feels guilty anyway because he’s right.  
  
What changed? Well, maybe Endou being on the other side of the world for ten months didn’t help. Also Endou running away on the other side of the world after Shuuya did tell him about his feelings didn’t help either. But they were okay, after that. Kidou made sure they were okay, after that. Shuuya did forgive him and they tried to talk about it, but Endou was… still scared. Shuuya’s heart flutters when he checks with his brain that Endou doesn’t look scared anymore.  
  
He texts Toramaru quickly (he’s probably with his sister, anyway) and when he gets out, he finds Endou sitting on the sofa, but now he looks more relaxed and Shuuya feels the same. He lost half of the tension he felt one hour ago. But his anxious mind tells him to check with Endou.  
  
“You can’t tell anyone... even Kidou.”  
  
“I got that. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”  
  
Shuuya sits next to him and Endou puts a hand on his thigh, squeezing gently.  
  
“Are you sure? About this?” Shuuya asks.  
  
“Tell me your plan,” Endou answers, then he looks around, “And where are the kittens you promised me?”  
  
Shuuya laughs and picks up his computer, “Probably hiding under my bed. He’s a shy kitty.”  
  
Endou rests his head against Shuuya’s shoulder, “Can’t wait to meet him. Is he also the reason you have all those scratches on your arms?”  
  
“He likes to bite me.”  
  
“Oh,” Endou says, tracing one big scratch with his index finger, “I understand that.”  
  
Shuuya blushes.  
  
Endou smiles.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> so i was bored stressed out thinking about how didn't make sense the fact that endou didn't know so now he knows after this gouenji sends tsurugi @ raimon and they decide together to make endou raimon's coach again i dont care about canon... hibiki and the resistence can suck my dick... also engou gets together before raimon goes to god eden <3 and also endou doesnt leave raimon fand kidou finds out about gouenji literally 5 seconds after him and endou see each other again but ENDOU ASKED FOR PERMISSION FIRST! because he's a new man and he SPEAKS! and gouenji loves him. toramaru and yuuka are not dating they are sibilings  
> okay im done  
> ps. this is not beta'd and english isn't my first language so im vibing and also imvvvvvvvvvvv tired so im Putting it out there without rereading it <3


End file.
